Anyway, I would love to describe what this blog's "theme" will be, but it probably won't have one other than containing snippets from my daily life and whatnot. Probably most just whatnot.
What makes my life so interesting?
Well, that's a good question now isn't it? I'm not that special really. Just an average person making her way in the world. The only thing I've been encouraged to blog about is my weird illness, which is sometimes referred to as Ninja Cancer, or my new personal favorite, the Plague. I don't really have the Plague, but it seems an apt name to refer to my particular mystery illness, so I've stolen it for my own benefit.
While dealing with any illness is quite difficult, the whole deal puts me in a unique position. I've never been exactly "normal" (whatever that means, but whatever it is, plenty of people have told me I am definitely not it), which is completely fine by me. Normal is quite boring. Needless to say for most people, it wasn't exactly a shock that I had something strange going on that wasn't going to be easy to diagnose. In fact, some thought it was quite befitting of me.
I've seen around thirty doctors, have had six surgeries, countless tests, too many "I don't know's" from doctors, and spent a lot of money trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, ending up only with the same three inexplicable problems: wretched pain, a cross between a bulimic forced to be anorexic but without the choice in vomiting, and the big mystifier--my body thinks it's pregnant.
For all you moms and preggos out there, imagine being pregnant, but instead of growing a life, it sucks the life out of you; instead of nine months of insane hormones, you're hormones are whacked out for two and a half years; imagine a doctor trying to convince you are pregnant when in fact that would be impossible given certain biological necessities (don't mistake this one though; I simply mean time sensitive biological processes, not the complete lack thereof).
Yeah, it's a blast to have doctors treat you like a drug addict, or a crazy person, or a liar. Meanwhile, you suffer in a particularly bad ring of hell where morning sickness becomes the all-day sickness that rarely leaves, where Aunt Flow usually means a screaming trip to the ER, and of course the never ending shocked faces of medical professionals who stupidly take a pregnancy test on me, even though I tell them before it happens that it will most likely show up positive but I am definitely not pregnant. It's about as fun of a time as running a jackhammer into your teeth.
After two and a half years of this, I have decided to start writing about it. Maybe it will turn into something I can use, maybe not. Worst case, I'll simply babble and tell stories with such wit and character, that you'll spend a few moments with a smirk on your face. If you don't like ballsie honesty and unabashed sarcasm/commentating, then I warn you now that you will very much dislike me, but that just means you should read more to fuel any bitching. I mean, if you're going to complain about me, you might as well make sure you're at least accurate, otherwise you look like the jackass; not me, which I definitely prefer.
So anyway, basic 101 of this blog: very little rules, editing, or thinking. It is quite simply and super poetically me speaking through my hands (not all Helen Keller style though because that would be require me being in front of a camera, and very few of your knowing what the hell I was saying, and it would just be awkward for everyone involved).
Bon Chance gents!
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